A LETTER FROM A GRANDMOTHER TO HER

PRECIOUS GRANDDAUGHTER

(AMMACHY TO LAINE)

My darling Angel Laine,

This is your ammachy!

I miss you so much in person. But your spirit is always with me wherever I am and whatever I am doing.

You lived such a short time to share your love with everyone.

You behaved like an adult even though you were only a young child.

You enjoyed art and fashion, and you practised kindness to all.

You were a leader. You could advise your friends.

You just came along into our lives, especially in your dad’s, mom’s and your always kind brother Mathew’s, just to fill in the void that created by your sister Mia.

She already is waiting up there for you to go back and tell all the stories that happened below here.

Your Princesses’ birthday party, skiing, skating, ballet, and swimming- you achieved your gold medals already.

You played pretend doctor, wife, and mother.

You were a good mother to all your little children.

You gave even a ride on the back of your bike for ‘Lizzy’ a few days ago.

You gave names to all your pets and dolls.

You taught me how to operate the TIVO remote when you were just two years old.

You gave such joy to us, to your dad, mom, brother, and Vijay and her family.

It goes on and on and I will continue to write as time goes by.

You shared ammachy and appachen’s bedroom even though you had to sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag next to our bed.

You did not complaint our snoring even though you mentioned about it and also thought that could be appachen who was snoring, because only men snored.

You still liked it. Mathew did the same before you. You wanted to follow his footsteps in every way.

He was so nice to you, still you left him; we understand!

You wanted to be with your sister Mia who shared your bed when you were a baby.

You missed her so much, you sacrificed your life here.

You never would have had a real bike or that BMW you were going to ask your dad to buy for you when you turned 16.

He had spoiled you so much, but you were still kind to everyone.

My angel, now you can do anything and everything you wanted with your sister and watching over all of us from your heavenly kingdom with your creator and Prince Jesus.

You can travel anywhere you want. We talked about your ancestors and about your wish to visit India.

Now you can meet them in heaven and also you can fly and see all those places.

One day in the appointed time by God, we, whom you left behind will join you to meet the great Lord in Heaven.

My letter continues:

I missed making chips and achappam for you.

I miss you so much, words cannot express.

‘I will start pretending now’ that everything is going to be okay.

I will pretend that you are sitting on my shoulders and I am talking to you.

You found so much happiness in ‘pretend game’. I will follow your idea.

This morning as I was trying to wake up, I saw this beautiful rose in the garden. I was thinking what if I leave it there, it will wither away slowly. But, what if I want to hold that flower in my hand, I have to pluck it from the plant. That is what God did. He plucked the best flower before even it bloomed in full. The roses that were plucked in bud or half bloomed God can preserve them as they are. Now it is not on a plant. They are in His hands. The earthly things will wither away, but not in heaven.

Then I read achen’s note. I could not believe. Yes, I believe what he said.

Laine, I did not know that you went out to the Victorian Tea House to sip a cup of tea in a bone china cup.

Vijay and Vidya and their family also spoiled you. You were their Princess too.

You left your prints everywhere you went, your friends at school, church, your ballet classes, swimming classes and skating classes.

I hear your voice saying, Hi I am Laine.

I can proudly say that we have 6 wonderful grandchildren! 2 are away living in the God`s kingdom.

You are still living in our hearts and will be there as long as we are on this earth.

Thank you my sweet, for the Valentine card (of 2014) you left with your mommy to be sent to appachen and ammachy. We came there and received it. But only one thing you did not stay back and waited for us.

You are my Valentine for ever!

Viewing day:

My sweet angel, today we all came to see your body lying in peace, holding in your hands your favourite toys, wearing the clothes you loved, with your head band. You also had that white coat you wore to come out for dinner with us on our wedding anniversary.

Oh my God, how I remember that day. After getting ready you came downstairs with a smile and posing for a picture. That was your last picture, we had on appachen’s camera. The next day, Jan 1^st 2014, as we were leaving you prayed the last prayer.

Looking at you lying there so helpless broke our hearts. I will never forget that scene.

But, I know that you are alive in your master’s hand. But we will not be able to see your face or hear you talking or see you dancing around and the funny faces you make.

But your daddy had captured every special moments when you were with him or at home.

Please take care of your beloved ones you left behind, you my ‘angel’.

Memorial service day:

Today was the memorial service at the church.

The church was filled with people, directly connected with the family and through Laine.

Yes, darling. Your service went well.

Your dad told us all the precious stories about you. People were crying and also laughing.

Your brother Mathew did a great job. He was so sad, but talked clearly.

Your appachen read our experience with you.

Ammachy could not stand up there. So appachen read my thoughts.

Afterwards, we brought your ashes to be laid to rest next to Mia. There was showers of blessings for five minutes.

Then you know what? There were 2 rainbows came up the horizon, just above the church, welcoming all these people. It was an amazing sight, daddy told me.

You loved rainbows! Now you have 2, one for you and another one for Mia, I believe.

Your aunt Annie, uncle Rae, Mollie, Zachary and Sophie came from Atlanta and also many other relatives.

One day, I took a walk outside your house, carrying you and Mia on my shoulders and chatting with you both. There was no weight carrying you both. It was nice and I enjoyed it.

Laine, your friends and their families and others are still coming to see your family. They are also bringing lots of food.

On the 6^th of March, we went to your friends Sarnia and Aryan’s house. Your Vijay, Uncle, Vidya and uncle Ravi invited us. Your uncle told us all the stories about you, how you wanted him to carry you from the car and how he fed you. Coco, the little puppy was running all over the place. I wish you were there with us in person to introduce us to all of them. It was heart breaking.

This time we came to say ‘good bye’ to our little princess. I don’t feel like going back to Toronto this time.

March 13^th– we are back in Toronto. Now we are looking at your pictures and notes from many people.

Laine, it is already 20 days now. Every day we are in tears.

We are reading the messages from your teachers and classmates and even from the people who have heard stories about you from appachen and ammachy. They all are aching for us.

You know all I read about you is 100% true. As you say, “it is the truth, really, really”! I believe every bit of it.

There are a lot of behaviour that I can relate too!

When I was little like you, I had done and said some things that you had done and said, like singing every words that come to my mind- I make it as a song.

I am not a singer, but when no one is around I sing my prayer loudly. Even now I do that.

Other thing, I came home from the school and told my mother that I was hungry. But whatever she offered, I said no. Then she would look at me and found out that my eyes were on something different.

Then I saw you did that to me even when you could not say one full sentence.

One day you said, ‘ammachy, carry me’. I did and then you said, ‘walk’ pointing towards the kitchen. I knew your intension and so I walked past the kitchen. Then you stopped me, pointing to the kitchen again. I walked towards the dining table and then you said, ‘noooo, this way’.

Then I did as you wished. You showed me the cupboard and said, ‘open’. I did and then you showed me the chocolate balls that were kept so high. You said, ‘that, eat’. You tricky girl!

I wish I told you these things, but saved for a better day when you were grown up. But you did not give me a chance, my little one.

Now I am telling everyone else your little secrets.

We only spent a limited time in a year with you. But, my memories of you are endless. I can write and write.

For me still you are around.

YOU ARE

You are the sun rise in the morning.

You are the sun set.

You are the moon.

You are the star.

You are the ‘candle in the wind’.

I SEE

I see you in rainbow.

I see you in every flower.

I see you in every dew drops on the ground.

I see you in every bird.

I see you in every puppy.

I see you in the cloud.

Your presence I feel all the time. That makes me sad, makes me happy, makes me cry and also makes me laugh.

I hope you come into my dreams like a dancing little angel.

Romans 5:5

Hope does not disappoint us because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us.

March 24^th.  One month to day. There was not even a single day or hour or minute had passed by without thinking of you.

All day appachen and ammachy are talking about you. Then we read the notes sent by other people, including the one sent by your teacher Cocke.

I remember you told me that you liked her and you were very happy that she was going to be your teacher in Room B also.

You were so proud of your class and classmates and other children.

I always wanted to meet Ms Cocke.  Now that I read what she wrote about you, I am more and more convinced that you were an angel, really, really!

You remember, one day I was sitting in your guest room, upset about something, somebody said to me. You came along and I said, ‘hi Laine’. You looked into my eyes and asked, ‘are you sad, ammachy’? You jumped into my lap and started talking.

Every time I brush my teeth, I think about you. One day you and I went up to your bathroom to brush your teeth. You stood up on your stool and took your Dora toothbrush and put paste on it. Then you took an old tooth brush and turned the switch on which started playing the music and put it on one side. You told me that the new brush did not have music and so you knew for how long you had to brush your teeth. When the music stopped you finished brushing and washed up. Smart duck!

No cheating for you, whatever you were told by your dad, mom or Vijay, you practised that.

One day you did something and I asked you who told you to do that. Your answer was that ‘your son told me’!

I heard today that you told Vijay’s daughter over the phone that ammachy taught you a Malayalam song.

You always remember to ask the right question to your ammachy and appachen when you call us on the phone. ‘How are you doing’? Or ‘thanks ammachy for making cutlets’

We are seeing more and more of that side of your life now.

I love you

Ammachy