Laine’s school PBS held the graduation of their 5th graders on June 4, 2019.  This would have been Laine’s graduation day and she would have been off to Middle School.  The teachers and staff at PBS held a beautiful graduation ceremony.  They refreshed Laine’s Garden and held the reception there after the ceremony.  Here is a video of the refreshed garden.  Mathew helped paint the planters.

Scott Erickson, head of school, invited me to say a few words during the ceremony.  I spoke about Empathy. Here is the speech I gave to the parents, guests, teachers and the graduating students:

I am honored to speak to you the graduates, your parents and guests, and your teachers. 

My name is Mathai Mammen, and I am Laine’s father.  Laine would have been a proud graduate with you today.  She would have been proud of and impressed by each of you for who you are as people.  She would be proud of your love of learning, your spiritual nature, your kindness, your uniqueness and your respect for each other. 

You have all received a profoundly special experience at PBS, although my bet is that although you know that to a degree, you probably don’t realize exactly HOW true that is!  Your parents know, and your teachers know.  I know.  You have been given the chance to spend time with Dr Erickson and the staff and teachers that legitimately deeply care about you… that have taught you that the opportunity to learn is to be cherished.  And taught you that your character, who EACH of you are as a person, matters a good deal more than anything else.  My prediction is that you will realize this more and more in the future as you reflect back on your time here at PBS as you continue on your path.   And where does your path now take you.  6^th grade – Middle school! 

I want to speak to you for a couple minutes about one main idea on which our core values are grounded, just as the ground exists under our feet and holds us up.  This idea is empathy.  I’ll explain in a second what I mean here, but I want to emphasize that empathy will serve you well not only in middle school, where life can be a bit crazy as you change in all sorts of ways, but also as you reach fabulous heights in high school and beyond.   What is empathy? 

Empathy comes from the German word Einfuhlung meaning “feeling in”.  It is the ability to understand what another person is feeling… and why.  Just as there are a couple ways to “feel” there are a couple kinds of empathy.  One is intellectual empathy.  It is your ability to appreciate someone else’s perspective based on their background and experiences and on the way their specific brains work. Then there is emotional empathy, where you can literally feel what someone else must be feeling, be it sadness, happiness, fear or excitement.  It’s as though your friend’s emotions were contagious!  Like an infection!  But a good infection.  Like laughing being contagious.   

Empathy is like a muscle.  You should try it exercise it on a daily basis. Imagine what people are thinking and feeling.  Observe, listen carefully.  Just as practicing basketball or piano or dance makes you a better ball player, pianist and dancer, practicing to understand what others are feeling and why will make you more empathetic. 

Why do this?  It allows us to be connected with one another.  And connectivity is very much at the center of what makes us human.  Humans need other humans to be fully happy. 

When you go to middle school, you will have a lot of people around you that you don’t know.  They will come from a lot of different schools other than PBS, and will have had all sorts of different ways of being brought up, and with different life circumstances.  Next year you will re-set in a sense, going from the kings and queens of this hill (and I like that we are literally on a hill), back to being the young ones on a new campus.  It can be a bit frustrating.  And part of the challenge is that you won’t know the majority of your new class.  What will save you are the core values that you picked up at PBS and have been deeply instilled in you.  And at a basic level, your empathy will help you more than you would have predicted.  What are some examples?

You will find yourself doing group projects a lot in middle school.  It turns out that in middle school, high school and life, the best work is done by groups, by TEAMS.  A lot of teams, whether they be in middle school or later, don’t work all that well together.  One person ends up taking over and the others slack off.  Empathy is the ability to understand everyone in your group or team – if you do this successfully, you will understand how to divide up the work, who can work when, who might have circumstances that make certain times and certain kinds of work especially challenging. Who’s motivated to do what.  Your ability to empathize, to appreciate the different backgrounds that the kids have, the different skills and feelings on your team will make you more successful in middle school. 

Socially, it can be really hard in middle school.  People change, friendships shift.  In order to navigate these choppy waters, you need to understand the people around you fully.  Try to think what they think, feel what they feel.  You will find those that match your energy and wavelength, your sensibilities, your core values.  Do not judge too hard, and kindness will come of your understanding what is behind the mask. 

So let me conclude by saying that empathy is the ground beneath your feet, and you can work deliberately to make it more and more solid.  It will lead to you being happy and successful in middle school… and beyond. 

Stay close to your classmates and let your friendships last a lifetime, no matter where your path takes you.  And even if you don’t see them, remember them. Please remember Laine fondly.  Come back and visit your teachers, remember them and the lessons they taught.  Come back for reunion days and offer your help to those that are then at PBS. Let the future PBS kids learn from you.  Let me stop here and hand it back to Dr Erickson.